Less than 2 months, and off I go!

Wow, how time flies.  It’s been over a month since my first post, and I’ve been busy!  I am closer to being ready, but the closer it gets, the more I realize how unprepared I may really be.  Yikes!  I’m getting nervous about it as it’s becoming more and more real.  I think I might be being a little OCD about trying to have everything in place to cover all contingencies.  Am I?  Or am I not prepared enough?  Argh!  That’s my dilemma?!?!

My friend Irene gave me this little plaque at our birthday lunch a few days ago.  A philosophy which I will truly try to incorporate!

But, I am working really hard, trying to be properly prepared.  I am actually feeling pretty good about my progress with Swahili.  It is a strange language.  Really easy in lots of ways, but so, so foreign to our conjugations and styles.  My methodology which I find works for me:  I learn new words from the computer, books;  verbs, phrases,etc… I then write them down, and I then record them on my i-phone, and  then, finally, I listen to them constantly in my car as I’m driving around.  I’m hitting all my learning styles, visual, tactile, and oral.   It seems to work for me.  It almost, sorta, well maybe, is beginning to make some sense to me.  But I often do get discouraged.  It really is so very different!  But, I tell myself , “Soma kwa dilii” (Study hard!) and again and again tell myself  , “Kila la kheri!”  (Good luck, or literally, “All the good”!   : )   I really really like that phrase!)

I’m getting better with my sutures.   And I have been practicing.  I thought they’d be so easy.  I’ve been sewing my whole life.  But Not!   I am now so impressed with Nate, my son-in-law, who is an ophthalmologist, and makes teeny tiny incisions in eyes with needles the size of eyelashes.  Holy cow! How can he do that?  I struggle with 2 inch size suture needles.  I am beyond blown away he can do those!  Wow!

So, I just keep practicing these.  And I am slowly getting better.  At least I haven’t killed any bananas yet!

And, I’ve got almost all my shots.  And yes a buttload of them.  Including Rabies!  Who would’ve thought?  I guess Rabies is quite a problem  in Tanzania.  The Rabies shots is a series of 3.  Not in the belly now thank goodness, but in the arm.  Still very ow – producing!  But lots of other ones too.  The hardest decision has been  whether to get all the shots in just one  arm, or spread the wealth to both arms, and even possibly the old gluteus?   Is it better to just have one arm really sore, or both arms medium sore, or not being able to sit properly for a few days?  Tough decision.  I opted for the totally one sore arm plan.   My left arm looks like I have been put through a vampire attack.  Swollen and full of holes.  HAHA!

My biggest concern right now is if I’m prepared enough. Honestly I stew about this a bit. What have I got myself into? Irene, at our birthday lunch, was telling me that you can never be prepared enough to what it is like in such an underserved population. She spent 18 months in South Africa working with people, trying to help them find education, so I totally trust she knows what she’s talking about.

I’ve travelled quite a bit myself, especially in emerging nations, but have always been able to go back to my nice controlled tourist hotel each night. This will be entirely different, I believe. I’m not worried about not having my “civilized world” around me. I’m pretty tough and adaptable, so whatever happens there I believe I can cope. However, my biggest concern is will I really be able to help?  I hope I won’t just be taking up someone’s time escorting me, and not really actually making a difference. It’s hard to express, but I really  do hope I can help. I’m confident of so many things… but that one thing really worries me. Are my skills enough? Is my knowledge enough? Is the language going to be a real barrier? How much will I be able to use what I’ve been trying to learn? These are the thoughts that are invading my dreams and thoughts.

As a hospice nurse I don’t often do skills any more such as IV’s, innoculations, and certainly not delivering babies.  My focus these 12 years in my profession has been on helping people and families coping and preparing for an unavoidable death.  This will be a whole switch of focus.  A very much wanted and needed switch.  I am honestly really worn out and overwhelmed with constant death and dying around me.  We’ve actually had quite a bit of death in our friends and family in the last few years too.   So this will be so welcome.  But, can I dredge up my old skills I haven’t used in over 12 years?  I long to work with the living and to give service and aid in helping people LIVE!    I just know how much I hope I CAN give and serve.  I really truly hope I  have the capabilities that will make a difference.  I do have the desire.   That’s the beginning, right?   And I am trying to be prepared.  I can’t do much else right now.  So, Corrie, I’m embracing you.  I’m living for today, and I will not worry, (at least try not to) but will only hope for tomorrow!

Anyway, I will stop ruminating.  48 days to go!  I will likely post once more before I take off on my flight.  I’ll keep practicing my Swahili, I will study my OB/gyny text book (I do want to work with delivering babies if possible).  And practicing sutures.  Poor bananas.  I’ve heard bologna works good too for practice…..    Or maybe ham?   Maybe plain good old steak?  Hmmmm…

Take care and Tutuonana!